Nearly five years since trying to become a mum and five and a half months since becoming one

I snapped at someone recently for referring to Birth Mother, which I find hard enough to say, as your mother. It's not that I have anything against her, at all, but she has not been your mother in any sense of the word other than biological. And the conditions of that happening are less than ideal. I'm Louse's mother, I said quite sharply, not inviting further discussion and intending to make them realise what they said upset. I felt bad afterwards, but I also forgive myself given how hard we had to work to get here. People say insensitive things without thinking, no malice intended, but thoughtless nonetheless.

And yesterday, we all went to Oldest Best Friend's Burns lunch; a big affair, lots of people I know and sort of know. I tried out not mentioning the adoption, although I know some of them were doing the maths and thinking, wait a minute, she wasn't pregnant... but it doesn't matter, it's time to be a family without the label. It was nice to reply to someone I hadn't seen in three years, yes, we have had a baby. No further explanation. When she asked if we would have another (why are people so obsessed with this?) I said well, Louse came along a little unexpectedly after a long time so yes we'd like another, but we'll see.

I kind of felt like they could all see through me, but I'm sure they couldn't. It is after all quite normal for people to get pregnant and have babies in the space of a couple of years. I forget that sometimes.

I used you as an excuse to swerve the haggis neeps and tatties, never liked that stuff. I'll eat in a minute I said thinly, meanwhile scoffing the children's food sneakily, pretending to feed it to a disinterested you. Ironically, you were enjoying the haggis.