Five years and more since trying to become a mum and seven months 4 days since becoming one

Hit another milestone yesterday as we all went to visit Foster Family. Not the first time we've seen them in the last 7 months, but the first time that we have all returned to their house since the day we collected you. It is a day etched deeply into all our souls.

Pa Cooke came away feeling very ignored by you, but this time I did not. I didn't hesitate one iota to check on you, cuddle you if there were tears and generally be there in your line of vision at regular intervals. The day was manic, too much for me at some points – 5 adults, 4 kids and one very very loud TV on constantly with Wii games and their noises – but A made a delicious lunch and was welcoming as always. You were brilliant; you showed no signs of recognising the house, but charged around as though you did. Now I know you well and have had the benefit of being your mum for 7 months, I know that you behaved exactly as you do wherever we go – you are sociable and happily go to people when you feel like it, so I didn't panic if you turned to P or A and held out your arms. It's what you do. But crucially, as reported after the Christmas visit, you turn to me much much more.

I feel that we now have maybe a couple of years before the questions start, a window of time when we can strengthen our ties yet further and forget about the whole adoption thing for a bit. I swear most of the time I feel 100% that you are my flesh and blood, such is the love and the attachment; sometimes it comes as little surprises to me when I 'remember' you're adopted. We bumped into someone I know through work on Friday, someone I have not seen in a while, but not a long enough while. We said hi, she looked surprised, I could see her doing the maths in her head... but I said nothing, offered no explanation other than yes, I too have a child. This is Louse, she's 19 months. Wow, she looks exactly like you.

:)

Stayed home today, which was lovely. You are king here, you rule your domain. You swagger around like you own the place. Had Gay Uncles over for lunch and you were charm personified. When you are free to roam and can get a regular cuddle, you are an absolute delight. They asked when they might look after you for the afternoon. Praise indeed.

This photo makes me smile as I suspect I will spend a lot of time chasing you as you make a break for the border.