Lordy, today for the first time, I properly questioned my parenting ability. When you are challenging, you are extremely challenging. There's a look in your eye that seems very very intentional, like you know exactly what you're doing with your tantruming. Is this the terrible twos a little ahead of schedule?? Both of us agree it's quite scary and it's like you really hate us in that moment. But like all kiddies, the moment passes quickly for you soon as whatever caused the fracas has been remedied, whilst Pa and I are left quivering. Pa just gets exasperated whilst I have that sudden rise of the red mist that I've mentioned before. It is something I am aware of and desperately trying to address within myself, but I very actively have to stop myself from flipping. I have started giving you 5 second time outs and I think they are as much for my benefit as yours. You think it's a counting game...
Parenting seems to loudly point out to me that I have a childish side simmering not far below the surface; there's something in this about my own repressed behaviours that are triggered and vexed when your behaviour is untethered. I can't formulate the thought more than that for the time being.
All that said, I am able to control myself and very quickly catch myself whilst giving myself a split second analysis of the situation so even though the anger is definitely set off, I only very fleetingly show it and am learning to calm myself. But I must be careful about withdrawing in order to calm myself. I've read about withdrawn parenting and it's not a good thing. But is it still considered withdrawing if you just take a short pause in order to compose yourself? Answers on a postcard in less than 12 words.
We think you've got molars coming in which may account for some of your short fused-ness recently. I hope they were worth it...!
No comments:
Post a Comment