Eight months and three days since becoming a mum

In the last week, you have become somewhat obsessed by belly buttons (is that two words or one??). You push your tummy out the way to check your own out and you make me lift my clothing in order to see mine, and to poke your finger at it. You also checked out Pa's and had a good rifle around that. I don't know why this is particularly fascinating, but it's certainly got your attention. And it got me to thinking about explaining what functions belly buttons have, why they're there in the first place. I started to say to you – mummy's belly button was made when she was a baby in her mummy's tummy and yours was made when... and I kind of drifted...

A part of me knows that one day, sooner rather than later, I will have to start divulging information about your coming into being, which may or may not shatter your little world. And that same part of me is strangely keen to make the first move sooner rather than later, however I stopped myself because actually it wouldn't mean much to you just yet and I want to enjoy the time before the questions start. I think on my part the urge to start telling you is because I know it's coming anyway and it's like that urge to throw yourself off a balcony if you are looking out over one at a fair height. Actually I don't want to have to tell you what I will have to tell you, I wish it weren't so, but it is and so I must squash that urge and let things be until you ask the questions that will lead to it. This process must be steered by you, at your own pace.

And as I've said before, we probably now have 1-2 years to enjoy being a family without any backstory, to build our bonds, or rather, continue to build our bonds for they are already pretty sturdy I think. In the same way that I am no longer mentioning adoption to people we meet when introducing you, I must resist the urge to spew any information before it is required or wanted.

May 18th.

That's the date. The date that we officially become a family, the date your name changes and the date we are no longer answerable to anyone anymore. We will go to court, we will stand before a judge, she/he will make their declaration and probably stamp something, we will take photos, we will all smile and I will probably weep big gulping sobs but pretend not to be and nearly choke trying to contain them.