One year and three days since we became a family

We've got something in common, your birth mother and I – we both lost our fathers at a relatively young age. That may not seem very significant, but it was a major event in both our lives; one that sent us both a little off the edge, though it hit D in a far more destructive way.

I mention it because maybe it will help me explain to you one day why D was unable to look after you, because I will be able to, from the heart, know how such a thing could have such drastic effects. There but for the grace of god... as they say. It allows me to feel some sort of empathy with her, though I didn't fall off life in the same way, it is probably the single biggest thing to affect me in my life so far. I'm not sure I'd be same person had my dad not died prematurely ad dramatically, that is both in good and bad ways.

Sometimes I miss my dad so much it properly aches. I imagine I can be granted one more visit with him, an hour or an evening in his company. I could ask all the questions I have, make sure he loved me and have a laugh, get him to do the silly things he did to make me laugh. I will tell you all about him when the time comes, I look forward to it. I'm sorry you've been deprived him as your grandpa.

I suppose it also means that, to a certain extent, I will understand your loss of birth parents. Though I know it will cut me inside when you express interest or grief over your birth parents, I hope I will be able to put that aside in order to help you deal with your feelings. In that way, we can share an experience perhaps. Anyway, we're not there yet so I'll park worrying about that. Plenty other stuff to fret about in meantime.

Your current favourite things are Where the Wild Things Are animation, trains, music & dancing still, me coming home from work and ringing next door's doorbell.

By the way, the photo below is him, my dad; he's the one at the front. He ran. Funny that I started running too. It was taken not long after he moved to the States and not long before he died.